Bialogue = Bisexual + Dialogue

American Institute of Bisexuality Applauds The California Supreme Court Decision on Marriage

Thu, 15 May 2008 23:16:36 GMT

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Ms. Denise Penn
DenisePenn (at) aol (dot) com
949.498.8771

May 15, 2008

The American Institute of Bisexuality (ABI) applauds today's California Supreme Court ruling that the state may no longer exclude same-sex couples from civil marriage. AIB also congratulates and thanks lead counsel NCLR, Lambda Legal, the ACLU and Equality California who have been fighting for this victory for four years on behalf of all of us.

AIB Board members Denise Penn stated: "Some say that The California Supreme Court just ruled favor of 'gay marriage', but it is so much more than that: They have affirmed the right that each of has the freedom to marry the person we love, regardless of their race, their religion, their social class or the gender of the person they choose to spend their life with. Many who wish to enter into a same -sex marriage do not identify as 'gay' and will benefit from this decision."

"The California Supreme Court decision protects more than gay marriage," added AIB Board members, Brad Kane. "It also protects the rights of lesbians and bisexuals. The court applied strict scrutiny to sexual orientation and bisexuality is a recognized sexual orientation. This decision goes well beyond marriage. It will affect state adoption rights, benefits, child custody, hospital visitation, personal injury damages, state taxes, all sorts of family rights."

"It is a victory for fairness and justice and equality, and it is important to acknowledge that all of us benefit from this decision. Today, we are proud to be Americans and proud to be living in the great state of California, leading the way to greater freedom, opportunity and prosperity for the rest of the country," concludes Penn.

The American Institute of Bisexuality (ABI), is a 501c3 public charity that supports and sponsors projects likely to promote understanding and visibility about bisexuality through education, research, training and media outreach. The American Institute of Bisexuality (ABI) raises awareness about the diversity of sexual orientation. American Institute of Bisexuality (ABI) is dedicated to the support of the bisexual community and the education of the public at large about the bisexual community.

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[USA]: ALERT Bisexual Resource Center Website Down

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:42:42 GMT

From: Bisexual Resource Center
Date: Apr 22, 2008 9:38 PM
Subject: Bisexual Resource Center Website Down

Hello everyone,

Our site, biresource.org, was hacked today, and it will be down for an indeterminate amount of time. We'll let you know when we're online again.

Meanwhile, for resources, we suggest you visit these other great sites:

BiNet USA: http://www.binetusa.org/
Bay Area Bisxual Network:: http://www.babn.org/
New York Area Bisexual Network: http://www.nyabn.org/
American Institute of Bisexuality: http://www.bisexual.org/
The Bi Writers Association: http://www.biwriters.org/indexN.html
Robyn Ochs's site: http://www.robynochs.com/index.html
Bi Cafe: http://www.bicafe.com/

Most of these sites have links to other bisexual sites.

For bi media:
Bisexual Tribune http://www.bitribune.com/
BiMagazine: http://www.bimagazine.org/home/index. html
The Fence: http://www.thefence.ca/
Bi Community News (UK): http://www.bicommunitynews.co.uk/
Bi-Nieuws Magazine (Dutch): http://www.lnbi.nl/nieuws.html#bn20044

Arthur Cohen
BRC Board Director

The Bisexual Resource Center (BRC) is a non-profit educational organization that has been serving the bisexual community since 1985. Headquartered in Boston Massachusetts, the BRC provides education about and support for bisexual and progressive issues.

Publications
The BRC also produces the Bisexual Resource Guide, now in its 4th Edition. The Guide edited by Robyn Ochs and more than 150 volunteers from every corner of the globe is a comprehensive directory of every kind of bisexual and bi-inclusive organization in the world including youth groups, media, bisexual People of Color coalitions, cross-cultural alliances, political groups, social gatherings, universities, religious centers, bookstores, HIV/AIDS support organizations, places to dance and sing and much, much more.

You can also join the Bisexual Resource Center (BRC) on:

[the BRC myspace page and yahoo group were not involved and are both still up]

interesting article from EDGE "Bisexuality -- What’s in a Name?"

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:33:53 GMT

A thoughtful, well researched (with lots of quotes from wolfbear) and quite extensive meditation on bisexuality in current western european/american culture, written from a gay man's point of view. It is X-Posted from the on-line LGBT website EDGE written by Scott Stiffler, EDGE Contributor published Monday, March 17 2008.

www.edgenewyork.com/index.php?ch=entertainment&sc=culture&sc3=&id=71703&pf=1

Is there anything more inherently suspicious than bisexuality? When a hetero male concedes attraction to another guy, isn’t his self-proclaimed "straight/curious" status just code for "gay, but not ready to admit it?" Or, could it actually be that we all have the same potential for experiencing the full spectrum of human sexuality?

Lots of research and a little common sense say that of all the above questions, only the latter gets an unqualified "yes." But who wants a fence-sitting bisexual on their team? Certainly not the nervous straights; or the sequestered lesbians; or the defensive gays. The transgendered probably don’t mind -- but who can figure them out?

And why should we try to fathom the Bi's, when we’ve got enough work to do just carving out a niche for the LGTs? Besides, every reasonable person knows that going for a pint of chocolate or vanilla is a lot easier than contemplating 31 flavors at Baskin-Robbins. It’s no wonder, then, that bisexuality is often an invisible color on the rainbow pride flag - ironic, since nature apparently intended almost everybody to be at least a little bi.

It is a trend that’s getting more and more media attention. Look at Tila Tequila, the VH1 instant celebrity who got her own reality show because she was bisexual. (The gimmick was that she had to choose between groups of straight men and lesbians, and ended up choosing a man.) Or take "Torchwood," the futuristic BBC-series (starring out actor John Barrowman) in which sexuality is fluid and everyone is bisexual. But that’s fiction - what of real life?

Is Everybody Bi?
Labels: they’re simple, fun and convenient; but how many same sex experiences does it take to make a hetero a homo? Can an opposite sex experience turn a gay into a bi? Plenty of good science tells us there’s a big difference between sexual expression and sexual identity.

Brian Dodge, Ph.D., Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University (which has an ongoing partnership with the nearby Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction) says "We come out of the womb unprogrammed. Kinsey was the first to back that up with behavioral data. There are very few dichotomies in life - particularly in terms of human behavior; so he was not surprised that he had large numbers of people admitting to having a same sex experience."

The Kinsey Scale asserts that "Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. . .nature rarely deals with discrete categories. . .The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects." The scale, which first appeared in 1948’s "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male," uses a person’s sexual history to rate them on a scale of zero (0) to six (6) (0 being exclusively heterosexual, 6 being exclusively homosexual).

"If you look at the Kinsey Scale, which has been validated by a number or other sexuality studies, almost half of all men have some form of same sex experience in their lifetime that leads to orgasm." says Ron Jackson Suresha (aka wolfbear), editor of two works on bisexuality ("Bi Men Coming Out" and "Bi Guys: First Hand Fiction"). "Clearly, though, a lot of people don’t go around saying they’re bi."

Lisa Diamond, an Associate Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, recently authored"Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love And Desire" (Harvard University press, 2008). Diamond emphasizes that "Bisexuality is not a fluke or aberration. It’s actually the prototype. The majority lean in one direction or the other and that’s part of what’s makes the issue so difficult to interpret - because then you have to make a decision; how much attraction to the same sex must you have to call yourself lesbian instead of bisexual?"

Diamond’s own study (which began in 1995) asked, on a day-to-day level, what percentage of attraction women felt towards other women. "Folks who described experiencing more than 75 percent of their attractions to the same sex will describe themselves as lesbian. If it is under 75, they tend to describe themselves as bisexual."

But how can you form an identity when the concept of bisexuality, by its very nature, replaces absolutes with infinite variety? "We don’t know what bisexuality looks like, so when we come across it, we don’t recognize it" says Suresha - a self-identified Kinsey Scale five who "always had a certain amount of attraction to women, though my preference is for men. I’ve been told over and over again that bisexuality is a myth, that people who say they’re bi are deluded or lying. So, for many years, I bought into that. This is a common experience with a lot of gay men who are told you have to be either gay or straight. The possibility of bisexuality seems so remote."
>
An Invisible Minority
Several decades and countless pride parades into the sexual revolution, gays and lesbians have achieved a level of cultural validation that, although far from ideal, renders the bisexual community virtually invisible by comparison. Dodge asserts that responsibility for the lack of acceptance of bisexuals lies firmly at our out, proud and queer doorstep.

"It’s ironic that a group of people who went through struggles for liberation, many of which were fought by bisexual people and subsumed under the label of gay, would backlash bisexuals for being who they are and not accepting them." Asked if strides made by gays and lesbians have led to a heightened level of awareness for bisexuals, Dodge counters: "It wouldn’t cross my mind that it’s more accepted. There’s very little support for men who self identify as bisexual. It’s not surprising that guys who are curious would be hesitant to identify as bi. Maybe with women, there’s more flexibility; but I certainly don’t see evidence of acceptance among men."

Suresha similarly bemoans the "misinformation and apprehension as to the extent of bisexuality. I think there is less ignorance, but still a huge lack of understanding about what bisexuality looks like."

The social and cultural invisibility of bisexuals also has legal ramifications. Lani Kaahumanu, co-editor of "Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out" and a longtime progressive social justice advocate, bemoans the very term "same sex marriage" which she says is "how legal folks talk about it. When you say ’gay or lesbian couple,’ that wipes out bisexuals. If two bisexual men or women want to get married, what’s that? That’s not a gay couple. If you have a bisexual and a gay man, that’s not a gay couple. Within the same sex marriage movement (and a lot of leaders blow it by saying gay and lesbian marriage because it’s easier), the fact is that two bisexual lesbians do not make a gay couple. They are a same sex couple. That’s just one way they’re invisible."

Dodge makes a persuasive case for the sentiment that the whole marriage rights issue marginalizes all LGBTs by the consequence of homogenization. For Dodge, same sex marriage is "about families and how we’re normal just like heterosexuals. It’s about desexualizing things. In an attempt to gain acceptance from the majority community, bisexuals and the transgendered don’t really fit into that."In our effort to fit in, what’s acceptable to the mainstream must become more "hetero normative; finding the right partner and settling down. It’s not about going out and having male and female partners or having boobs and a penis. Those things are being made to be freaky."

Adding to the challenge of being an indefinable "other" is the panic set off by nervous heterosexuals constantly put on the defensive - flattering themselves with the notion that predatory Bi's want them sexually. "When you come out as bisexual, there’s nervousness about sexuality. That means no one in this room is safe." says Kaahumanu. "That’s what they’re thinking. You say bisexual and it puts the sex right in their face."

What’s more, she observes that bisexuals are perpetually obligated to come out "because there’s that assumption; you’re defined by whom your current partner is. A lot of people wear out and let the assumption slide." Even considering the awkward small talk that inevitably happens at parties, Kaahumanu believes it’s much easier these days to be bisexual because "transgender people have challenged that either/or and nothing in between duality and shown the spectrum of gender in a spectacular way."

The coming out process is also complicated from sexual territorialism perpetuated by gays and straights who, Kaahumanu remarks, are "quick to say oh, we’re all queer if we’re other than heterosexual. We’re over there with the gay and lesbian folks. Then, coming out to gays and lesbians, they say oh, you’re really heterosexual. These are people who define themselves by what they’re not. I am gay, I am not that. When a bi comes along, that shakes things up."

Also, the insular nature of G&L communities often leads to the perception that the spoils of their efforts don’t provide enough to go around. Kaahumanu bemoans this "scarcity mentality within the community." - an unfortunate event, since she points out that many bisexuals continue to advocate for same sexers: "A lot of us do stand up and watch your backs and are out of the closet and speak up whether gay and lesbian people are around or not." To that end, Suresha calls on the community and its social justice champions to step up: "It’s absolutely necessary for organizations like the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and Human Rights Campaign to start designating resources and staff to bisexual issues. At present, there’s squat."

Women, Men & Sexual Expression
It seems, from all indications, that contemplating, acting upon and subsequently declaring your bisexuality is easier for women than it is for men. There are many theories as to why, but the most popular one goes something like this: Straight men, the majority shareholders in the brisk business of homophobia, hate fags; whereas with lesbians, there’s always the tantalizing possibility that they’ll be able to watch them get it on. So, the stigma of being perceived as gay leads to a tremendous amount of self-censorship on the part of straight/curious men.

Homophobes may be quick to judge and label, but Diamond has a more rational perspective on sexual exploration: "Your sexual orientation does not provide the last word on the relationships and desires you may experience. You may fall in love for psychological and emotional and relationship reasons. Some will describe this as falling in love with the person and not the gender." While Diamond cites the ability of women to adapt and "develop totally new sexual attractions for a singular person attractions that run counter to everything else they’ve ever experienced," she can recall numerous experiences with men who "come up to me and say I can’t imagine not being aware of the person’s gender. And that’s part of the essence of the sex difference."

Research & Role Models
When is the last time you saw a poster, magazine, support group or pride banner encouraging support for bisexuals? While popular culture remains (relatively speaking) awash in all things gay, Dodge says "There’s no really clear bisexual role models, so guys are not comfortable coming out." Add to that a perpetually low amount of visibility: "So much bisexual history has been invisible" says Kaahumanu. "There’s a lot of people who are claimed as lesbian or gay because they’ve had same sex relationships. But if you look at their life, they also had loving relationship with the opposite sex. Walt Whitman is claimed as gay, but he wrote about loving men and women. Virginia Woolf was not a self-identified lesbian. Eleanor Roosevelt; if you read her biography, she was lovers with her female press secretary and her young male gardener."

Bisexuality’s brief romance with popular culture might have hit it apex when Oprah did her infamous episode on the Down Low phenomenon - expertly managing to send straight housewives into a tizzy by stigmatizing, demonizing and otherwise blaming closeted bisexual married men by sharing their most extreme and lurid tales. Dodge also cites America’s brief flirtation with metrosexuality: "Since the whole metrosexual thing hit the media, the pendulum is swinging again. I can’t recall the last time in media I heard about male bisexuality. We even have these game shows" (referring to Lifetime’s horrendous show "Gay, Straight or Taken?") where "there’s no in-between; there’s no bi option for any of those guys. The closest thing we’ve seen of acknowledgment by media was the ’DL’ depiction of them as nothing more than vectors of disease transmission from male to female partners. Everyone picked up on that frenzy."

Dodge, who candidly admits his need to get out of the lab and watch more TV before commenting further on the media’s treatment of bis, is at least expertly qualified to assert that "bisexuality is a taboo topic even within HIV and sexuality research."

Diamond concurs, lamenting that "Life is easier if you simplify things. I’ve had editors say it would be a lot cleaner of a study if you could just use the gay and straight information and cut out the bisexual people. But it would not be an accurate reflection of reality." Dodge, commenting on a paper which recently appeared in the American Journal of Public Health, says: "The findings were that both-sex attracted people were more likely to be current smokers and start smoking earlier. In their conclusion, they talk about it as this being an issue among same-sex attracted youth - but their findings were for bisexual youth. It’s just another way of how bisexuality is made invisible and subsumed. It’s even problematic combining men and women."

But, as occasionally happens in these matters, Dodge finds a ray of hope when asked what the future holds for bisexuality: "Cornell University’s Ritch Savin-Williams put out a book the other year called "The New Gay Teenager," which showed how young people are more comfortable with open displays of non-heterosexuality and trying out different identity labels."

Even that optimistic premise was tempered by the author’s finding that "there is pressure from both sides for these kids to go one way or the other." Perhaps one day, when society has evolved, our territorial subgroups will join forces. Dodge: "At some point it, would be interesting to talk about a real sexual liberation in general - including all the hang-ups that heterosexuals have. That’s ideally what needs to take place. Maybe youth are going to take us to that point."

[Scott Stiffler is a New York City based writer and comedian who has performed stand-up, improv, and sketch comedy. His solo shows include Damaged by the 70s and An Evening With Insane Mark Twain & Dead Bette Davis. He must eat twice his weight in fish every day, or he becomes radioactive.]

WHAT ABOUT KRISTEN? Sex Worker Organizations Respond to Spitzer Scandal

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:12:18 GMT

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contacts
Shakti Ziller, Sex Workers Action New York (SWANK), swank (at) riseup (dot) net 877-877-2004 x 2
Audacia Ray, 718.554.1714
Sarah Bleviss, Sex Workers Outreach Project NYC (SWOP-NYC), swopnyc (at) gmai l (dot) com
Prostitutes of New York (PONY), pony (at) panix (dot) com
Desiree Alliance, www.desireealliance.org

WHAT ABOUT KRISTEN? New York Sex Worker Organizations Respond to Spitzer Scandal

New York, NY - In the last few days, [New York State] Governor Eliot Spitzer has publicly admitted to being associated with an escort agency and is considering resignation. As sex worker advocates, we are concerned about the representation and fate of "Kristen" and sex workers who are being thrust into the spotlight because of the investigation into the Governor. We also share the widespread concern for Governor Spitzer's family.

Sex worker organizations urge the press and the public to focus on the violation of sex workers rights and the need to change these laws and policies, rather than simply on the story of one individual who has purchased sexual services.

"Nobody is talking about the impact of this story on 'Kristen' and other women, men and trans people who are currently working in the sex industry," Shakti Ziller of SWANK in NYC added, "Prostitutes disproportionately face punitive action after arrest as compared to clients. Whether or not she will face prison time, "Kristen" has been dragged into the spotlight and will be subjected to public humiliation. Shouldn't the police emphasis be on catching perpetrators of violent crime and protecting sex workers - not exposing adults who are consenting to a transaction? All she did was try to make a living."

"Governor Spitzer ran on a platform of being a different kind of politician and then portrayed an inaccurate image of himself. Being involved with the services of sex workers is a very common thing, if all forms of consensual sex work were decriminalized for adults involved in a consensual transaction, sex workers could access the services they need," says Dylan Wolfe of SWANK (Sex Workers Action New York).

Governor Spitzer took a lead role in developing the NY State Anti-Trafficking Law [pdf]. Over the objections of advocates who worked directly with victims of human trafficking and with sex workers, Governor Spitzer pushed through penalty enhancements against clients of all sex workers. Sex worker advocates fought against such provisions [pdf] because these policies drive people who need help further underground.

"Spitzer has stood up for workers' rights in certain capacities, but has not followed through with meeting the real needs of sex workers," Audacia Ray, author of "Naked on the Internet", noted, "It would be great if the government could use money towards services, not punitive measures."

The press has picked up on the relationship that inter-state trafficking laws (under the Mann Act) have to this case. This connection illustrates a point that sex worker advocates have been making for a long time: Laws against inter-state transportation for the purposes of commercial sex are too often used for punishing people working as sex workers and those who work with and patronize them.

The exposure of Randall Tobias last year as a customer of an escort agency, Senator Vitter's rumored association with sex workers and now this recent news of Governor Spitzer, the corruption and hypocrisy inherently associated with prohibiting consensual prostitution are again being brought to light. Shaming these men will do nothing to improve the nature of the sex industry and the deeply-rooted corruption that is associated with the prohibition of prostitution.

"The criminalization of prostitution breeds this type of hypocrisy and makes our politicians (and other public figures) vulnerable," says Carol Leigh of Sex Workers Outreach Project-USA. "This vulnerability exists until our society recognizes that consensual sexual behavior is private and these private acts should no longer be criminalized."

"Many of our clients are politicians, judges, lawyers and even police," Monica S., 26 of Brooklyn said. "It's odd that they spend so much effort putting us into jail, but then turn around and give us their money in exchange for sex. Why do they think they won't get caught breaking the laws that they make?"

The commentary on Dealbreaker.com, a Wall-Street news site, says about Wall-street's anti-Spitzer reaction to the 'Client 9' story: "'There is a God' was the first thought on Wall Street. The next thought is, 'Please don't let it be revealed that I'm Lucky Number 7.'"

# # # #

Also plese see this article from feministing.com: Politicians and prostitutes: The real victims of public sex shamings

PS Since you might have been wondering, we are x-posting all of this because it is another example of society's discomfort with, attempts to control, and many (most?) times outright hypocrisy about -- negotiating relationships, gender roles, sexuality, sexual expression, et. al.

Of course it doesn't hurt that some of our wonderful, active and eloquent members are also members of the groups and organization enumerated above, (*wink*). Capisci?

X-Posted with permission from feministsexwork

This = Ridiculous! US elected official spews nutty hate speech

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:17:32 GMT

To quote directly from gay blogger angry_biscuit, because we couldn't say it any better:

What you're about to hear is a portion of a jaw-dropping speech delivered by Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern at a gathering in her district.

A few choice quotes from Representative Kern: Studies show, no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted for more than, you know, a few decades . . . They are going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle . . . One of my colleagues said We don't have a gay problem in our community ... well you know what, that is so dumb. If you have cancer in your little toe, do you just say that I'm going to forget about it since the rest of you is fine? It spreads! This stuff is deadly and it is spreading. It will destroy our young people and it will destroy this nation.

This is what they say when they think we're not listening.

This isn't Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Fred Phelps, or John Hagee. This isn't Rod Parsley, Osama Bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, or Fox News - this is an elected official. One whose influence is felt and held by a constituency, one who is active in the politics old hysteria and division.

Note: And you all will be horrified to learn the person sits on the Education Committee in the Oklahoma legislature (Edit) AND we are further dismayed to report this person used to be a teacher!!! Imagine having THAT person who was harboring those ignorant and hateful thoughts teaching your child (or to you and your sisters and brothers for that matter). Ick, just ick.

Please visit www.victoryfund.org/listening and add your name to the growing list of people who are listening to this noxious propaganda, but are not buying it. Currently there are only ~~2100+~~ 166,681 people numbered, and that number needs to go up - WAY up.

Also even if you are not in her district (or her state or even country) you may wish e-mail Representative Kern (sallykern@okhouse.gov) or phone her office at (405) 557-7348 and (in a polite and civilized fashion please) her know how you feel about hate speech.

For those who need it, here is a partial transcript supplied gratis as a service to the community by theparkonpiano in gsa_lj an involved GSA (Gay–straight alliance) member. We ask that people take special note that Representative Kern went out of her way to attack GSA, which in a way is a back-handed complement for the great work they do.

The homosexual agenda is destroying this nation. Okay? It's just a fact. Not everybody's lifestyle is equal. Just like not all religions are equal. You know, the very fact that I'm talking to you like this, here, today, puts me in jeopardy. Okay?

Uh, I'm not anti, I'm not gay bashing, but, according to God's word, that is not the right kind of lifestyle. It has deadly consequences. For those people involved in it, it has more suicides, there's uh, more discouraged, there's more illness, their lifespans are shorter, just – you know. It's not a lifestyle that is good for this nation. Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So, it's the death meal (?) in this country. I honestly think it's the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam, which I think is a big threat.

Because what's happening now, is they're going after them in schools! Two year olds! You know what they're trying to get into early childhood education? They want to get our young children into the governments schools so they can indoctrinate them. I taught school for close to twenty (20) years, and we're not teaching facts and knowledge anymore, folks. We're teaching indoctrination. Okay? And they're going after our young children, as young as two (2) years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle.

You know, gays are infiltrating city councils! [words are spoken here, but I can't understand her] Did you know that Eureka Springs is now controlled by gays? Okay? Uh, there are some others. Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, Takoma, Maryland, Oregon, West Palm Beach, Florida, a lot of other places in Florida. What's happening is they are winning elections.

One of the things I deal with in our legislature is I tried to introduce a bill last year that would uh, school would have to notify parents what clubs their students were involved in. And the reason I did that bill, primarily was this. They had the Gay Straight Alliance coming into our schools.

Kids are getting involved in these groups, their lives are being ruined, and their parents don't know about it. So I introduced the bill you have to notify all clubs and things and a colleague of mine said, “You know, we don't have a gay problem in my school, that's why I'm going against that bill.”

Well, you know what that is so dumb. You know, if you got cancer in your little . . . toe, you don't say, “I'm going to forget about it because the rest of me is fine!” It spreads, okay, and this stuff is deadly, and it is spreading and it will destroy our young people and it will destroy this nation.

from AfterEllen.com "The L Word" Reinforces Negative Bisexual Stereotypes

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 06:51:33 GMT

X-Posted from article in AfterEllen.com by Contributing Writer Nicole Kristal published February 26, 2008. This was brought to our attention by both lilyjaderose who posted a note about in in bi_people and Sean Graham NYC's own bi stand-up comedian & MC extraordinaire who posted it to BiNet USA's ListServ

--------------------------
Over the last three of its five seasons, The L Word has sent messages that erode positive representations of bisexuality by creating story lines and characters who reinforce myths that all bisexuals are crazy, in denial about their true sexual orientation, and likely to cheat on their partners for the other gender. The show didn't always so flagrantly display this style of prejudice. It used to discount it.

When The L Word debuted in 2004, it featured two strong bisexual protagonists — the characters of Alice Pieszecki (Leisha Hailey) and Jenny Schecter (Mia Kirshner) — on very different sexual journeys. Alice was an out bisexual, always eager to defend the legitimacy of her orientation to her lesbian friends; Jenny was discovering her attraction to women while in a heterosexual relationship.

Through these two characters, particularly Alice, the writers addressed the lesbian community's biphobia while still acknowledging the legitimacy of the orientation. Unfortunately, this informed depiction of bisexuality proved short-lived, surviving only the first season.

As a bisexual viewer, I kept tuning into The L Word in hope that it would magically revert to the beginning, when it portrayed bisexuality fairly. That hope officially died last Sunday during The L Word's fifth season episode "Lay Down the Law," when our former bisexual heroine, Alice, confirmed to viewers everywhere, under oath, that she's now a lesbian.

Called to testify during a military hearing concerning her girlfriend Tasha's sexual orientation, Alice is drilled by Col. Gillian Davis about her own sexuality. "So, you’re a lesbian, Miss Piezecki?" Davis asks.

Alice responds, "Last time I checked."

Though Alice has been gay for more than a season now, I, like many bisexual viewers, maintained hope that her character wouldn't fulfill the stereotype that all female fence-sitters transition into lesbians. My expectations were a little too optimistic.

Way Back When
During the first season of The L Word, someone's bisexuality would be challenged by a lesbian character, and the recipient of the challenge would defend her sexual orientation. For instance, in the pilot episode when her friend Dana attacks Alice for her bisexuality, Alice fends off the accusation that she needs to pick a side:

Dana: Christ, Alice, when are you going to make up your mind between dick and pussy? And spare us the gory bisexual details, please.
Alice: Well, for your information, Dana, I'm looking for the same qualities in a man that I am in a woman.

Later in the first season, Alice dates a man. True, it's for comic relief — he's "a lesbian-identified man" named Lisa — but her craving for male intimacy comes off as believable. Alice tells Tina, who questions Alice's rationale for "going back to men," that she's "had enough drama and mindf---s, and women are f---ing crazy."

Tina (Laurel Holloman), a recovering bisexual, reminds Alice that "men are boring." Alice replies, "Yeah, well bring it on, 'cause I could use a little nice, uncomplicated boring boy-girl sex masquerading as love."

In Season 1, we are also introduced to Jenny, who's in love with Tim. She seems to enjoy having sex with him after describing the two naked lesbians she saw in Bette and Tina's swimming pool. Later, she confirms her love of Tim to her lover Marina, saying: "I'm going to marry Tim. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine my life without him."

Even after Jenny and Tim's relationship unravels, Jenny initiates sex with Tim and seems to want to get back together with him, but he rejects her. Jenny later tells her old college roommate Annette, who's visiting from out of town, that she identifies as bisexual.

Jenny: I think I'm bisexual.
Annette: Oh, brother.
Jenny: I do, I really do.

The first season ends with Jenny dating both a man named Gene and a woman named Robin, and with Alice breaking up with Lisa (because he's too much of a lesbian) before pursuing Dana. The character arcs and story lines for both bisexual characters proved accurate, fair and realistic. Too bad they didn't last.

Don't Ask Alice
By the beginning of Season 2, the show began to display a rather biphobic agenda, turning the visible bisexual characters into closeted lesbians who transition rather roughly into their gay identities. Instead of showing Jenny realistically exploring the gray areas of her sexuality further, Jenny's boyfriend Gene tells her bluntly that she's gay, and it's accepted as fact for the rest of the series.

Alice's bisexuality is mentioned in Season 2 purely for comic relief. During the episode "Labyrinth," when Alice, Dana and Dana's girlfriend, Tonya, visit a sex toy shop, Tonya jokingly shoves a chocolate, penis-shaped lollipop in and out of her mouth and says, "I guess this is a little more up your alley, isn't it, Alice?"

Alice grabs a breast-shaped lollipop and responds, "Actually Tonya, this might be a little more up my alley."

Tonya waves the penis-shaped lollipop before Alice and asks, "More than this?"

Alice replies, "Yeah, maybe a little."

The confrontation ends when Dana asks Alice, "Which one would you rather put in your mouth, Al?" Alice glares at Dana and doesn't choose.

But by Season 3, Alice begins to fulfill the "crazy bisexual" stereotype. After being dumped by Dana, she loses it — she pops pills, stalks her ex and refers to herself as "a gross bisexual love addict." She also begins to blow off her attraction to men.

In the episode "Lost Weekend," she discounts her heterosexual side as a safety blanket, telling a support group: "I think the reason I was with Lisa, the lesbian man, is because he wasn't dangerous for me. I knew I wouldn't get addicted to him. I knew I wouldn't get addicted to a guy."

But Alice does get addicted to women, as evidenced by her inability to let go of her relationship with Dana. Alice's love addiction is used to make the point that she only gets addicted to those she falls in love with, and that she's incapable of falling in love with men; thus, she cannot be bisexual. The logic is flawed, given that many bisexuals who don't fall in love with both genders still self-identify as bisexual based on their ability to enjoy sex with both men and women. It seemed clear that Alice enjoyed sex with Lisa, and so to bisexuals like me, that means she's not gay.

In Season 3, Bette's partner, Tina, also starts to fulfill a bisexual stereotype: that bisexual women will always leave their lesbian partners for men. After Bette catches her having an online sexual relationship with a man identified as "DaddyOf2," Tina admits her craving for men. After much heartache, Bette encourages Tina to explore her attraction. Tina is quickly painted as the villain in the relationship and begins to discount her lesbian side, reminding Bette that she was heterosexual before she met her.

Although Tina's desire to stray is more likely due to her dissatisfaction with her relationship with Bette than some unpreventable compulsion for bisexual women to cheat on their lesbian partners with men, that underlying truth is never overtly addressed. By the end of the third season, Tina is in a relationship with Henry, a single dad, and most of her lesbian friends express their disgust with her behavior. That, unfortunately, is one of the most realistic components of this story line.

From Defender to Attacker
Alice's transition from bisexual to lesbian is completed by the end of Season 3 with a distasteful deathbed joke that uses bisexuality as the punch line.

In Episode 3.10, "Losing the Light," Alice is sitting at Dana's hospital bedside when Tina pops in for a visit before a date with Henry.

Tina: How do I look? Am I too dressed up? I feel dressed up.
Alice: You look good.
Tina: OK, bye.
Alice: [to Dana] You're right. Bisexuality is gross. I see it now.

Though Alice was joking to cheer up her dying friend, the joke was at the expense of an entire minority group. I couldn't imagine African Americans or Jews being referred to as "gross" on national television without having an organization advocating on their behalf demand an apology from producers. But no LGBT organization spoke out to publicly condemn the offensive joke.

By the second episode of Season 4, Alice has completed her transformation into a bisexual-hating lesbian, as demonstrated by an exchange she has with Tina at the Planet:

Alice: Where have you been? Oh right, stuck in the far reaches of Heteroville, that's right.
Tina: It's so scary.
Alice: Ooh, scary.
Tina: I think I remember you lurking around there a couple years ago.
Alice: But I did come to my senses, see, that's the difference between you and me.

Having bisexual characters eat their own develops into something of a pattern in Season 4. In the episode "Layup," Jenny, who once identified as bisexual, accosts Tina for wanting to play on their lesbian basketball team. Instead of using the B-word, Tina tells Jenny that she still identifies as a lesbian.

"Yeah, but when you walk down the street with your boyfriend holding your boyfriend's hands enjoying all the heterosexual privileges, you stopped being a lesbian," argues Jenny.

Alice suggests Tina use the bisexual label. Tina tells her she considers the lesbian label to be a political identity, which prompts Jenny to respond angrily: "It's not about who you vote for. It's about who you f---."

In the scene, both Jenny and Tina are written to be extremely unlikable — Jenny for her intolerance and Tina for her refusal to admit she's no longer gay. Both of the unflattering and inaccurate representations reinforce stereotypes that most bisexuals are either transitional or in denial.

But Jenny's criticisms of Tina don't matter for long. By the end of Season 4, Tina has dismissed her heterosexual side and her relationship with Henry as an aberration, telling Bette she'd prefer her control freak tendencies. "I'll take it over the same boring man I've been seeing any day," Tina says.

Yet again, the show simplifies a complex area of sexuality into a simple, disparaging adjective: boring. What's not boring is the irony that at least one of the actors forced to betray her character's bisexual orientation has publicly stated her support for the bisexual community.

Leisha Hailey, who plays Alice, told The Advocate in February 2004 that "I've really come to learn that bisexuality is a true, legitimate sexual orientation. It's not about crossing over from straight to gay." Too bad the show's writers couldn't enable Hailey to impart this wisdom through her character.

During an interview with AfterEllen.com just before the premiere of Season 5, Alice's previous bisexuality was mentioned, and Hailey joked that she didn't remember that her character was bisexual. She then continued: "It's not up to me if they don't wanna play the guy thing. I can't help that. Maybe that perfect guy would be out there [for Alice], you never know. I just kinda forgot about that. I've been trained to forget."

And that's clearly the problem — L Word viewers have been trained to forget the show used to depict bisexuality with more realism and less stereotype. It's just that some of us — the ones who stomach the biphobic remarks in hope that someday we'll be represented fairly once again — remember. And that's why we foolishly keep tuning in.

As one of the few queer shows on television, The L Word has a responsibility to remember and to be inclusive (or at least scientifically accurate) in its representations of bisexuals, instead of glossing over our orientation to push the biphobic and outdated belief that bisexuality is a gateway drug and an impetus for infidelity.

Perhaps the producers of the show should read the recently published findings by researcher Lisa M. Diamond of the University of Utah, who conducted a 10-year study of 79 "non-heterosexual women" and discovered that bisexuality is a "distinctive orientation." According to her findings, women who labeled themselves as bi or "unlabeled" maintained stable attractions to both men and women over the years, (for more information please see "Female Bisexuality From Adolescence to Adulthood: Results From a 10-Year Longitudinal Study"pdf file).

Perhaps The L Word's writers could also ponder this: Diamond found that bisexual women were capable of successful long-term monogamous relationships, and a larger percentage of them were in relationships at the conclusion of the study than their lesbian or heterosexual counterparts. That might not lend itself to soap opera-style melodrama, but that's a show that I — and I'd wager a few other viewers — would rather watch.

So what can the community do about this?

Though it has yet to be confirmed if “The L Word” has been picked up for a sixth season there are certainly quite a few signs that it might be.

Write to Ilene Chaiken to show's executive producer

everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 21:09:45 GMT

IMHO "bisexual organizing" has become the "new" feminism.

These days there are an endless number of bright, ambitious, well educated, self-actualized and highly successful people who twist themselves into philosophical and linguistic pretzels in order to avoid having the dreaded "F-word" applied to them.   BUT . . . they all also fully expect to live lives full of equal rights, equal pay, plentiful "bennies" AND (more importantly), if trouble in the form of sexism strikes their happy little label-free post-feminist world they all also expect that that NOW, NARAL et. al. will be there, fully staffed and funded and ready to spring to their defence whenever they need it.

I thought of these people today when reading this blog entry "Has Bi organizing gone the way of TV Guide?".

I thought of all the people who these days are quick to say that they are Hetroflexible, Bi-Curious, Pansexual, Homoflexible, Bi-chic, Omnisexual, Bi-serious, Undecided, Fluid, Unlabeled, etc., etc., etc. . . . just about anything but Bisexual.   And I thought about the various well known literary and cultural figures who while pleased to to chatter on to the press about their various boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are just as quick to disavow the "B-word" as others are the "F-word".   It seems that they all just "don't believe in labels".

Yeah.   Uh huh.   Whatever you say.

In particular I thought of a popular bi celebrity who acknowledged the "B-word" in an interview, but when asked about "bi-focused organizing" said: ". . . . I will say that it doesn’t interest me. At a couple of my readings, representatives of bi-oriented groups have attended. I so appreciated their presence and support of the book, but I feel like I have an informal bi community and don’t personally need a support group, nor do I want to have to go to more meetings! I feel like I’m a feminist without being part of NOW or a bunch of organizations, and I can be bisexual without joining a bisexual network."

Of course I also noted in great and ironic amusement that I did not ever hear of said celebrity turning down any of the publicity and therefore money brought in from those same Bisexual, LGBT or even Feminist groups. I only noticed that the celebrity did not want the bother of actually supporting any of these groups, that are the underpinnings of the communities she draws her fame and fortune from.

So no, I don't think it is the time to abandon America's national bisexual rights advocacy group, any more than I think we should disband the NAACP because Condoleezza Rice is the US Secretary of State or that Senator Barack Obama is a serious candidate for US President.   Sadly they are still the exception, not the rule and from what I can tell the same holds true in the lives of most ordinary bisexual people.

What I think we need is more people to realize that the bisexual community that they assumed would always be there to assist them is primarily a DYI type of thing.   What we needed is more people stepping up to do a bit of volunteer work or to donate a bit of money to the cause.

And if life is too overwhelming right now to commit the time to volunteering or things are too streached thin for a donation, then we need people to make a promise to themselves that they will help out someday when in a better position . . . but that today they will at least take the time to drop that one hard-working volunteer a line and tell her that her work is appreciated and needed.

X-posted from nyabn - please feel free to repost if so inclined.

While this entry primarily elicited a favourable response as what chinaski termed a "Good call to action", especially on primarily bisexual sites, it also elicited some negative and in some cases very heated replies (see in particular see bipolypagangeek & postqueer). The objections to the essay were basically:

Overly broad generalizations, for instance as nodesignation wisely pointed out it would have been better phrased to say there is a lot of frustration with "All the people who turn their back on their community" instead of just "all the people who . . ."

Some people like redstar826's response was "*shrug* not everyone is interested in activism, and not everyone feels a strong need to join an organization based on their sexual orientation" who then further explained that they wonder "To what extent are those sorts of services even being provided by actual groups anymore and to what extent are they being provided my individuals on the internet. If I wanted book or movie recommendations, I bet a lot of info can be found by looking at blogs or by asking a community such as this one as opposed to by an actual group that raises funds, meets in a physical place, sends out mailings, etc."

The most interesting (& important) negative response was from a wide variety of people who might usually be identified as bisexual by the general public who said flat out that they not only do not identify as bisexual but that some feel (to try for a quick "bumper-sticker" thumbnail of a many layered and nuanced discussion) that bisexuality by it's very name and nature is actually oppressive because it "promotes the binary" in both orientation and gender identity.

Many of theses "not 100% gay/lesbian not 100% straight" folk who identify as "pansexual", "omnisexual", et. al. are people who "once upon a time" would have most likely identified as members of the bisexual community. Additionally many of these people are younger up and coming activists who are involved in the greater "Queer" Community, so their rejection of the Bisexual Community as it is currently named and constituted many portend a future challenge for bisexual organizing.

[USA] for all us political junkies: Matt Foreman to resign from NGLTF

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:11:10 GMT

www.bilerico.com/2008/01/matt_foreman_to_resign_from_ngltf.php

(Filed by: Bil Browning January 23, 2008 12:00 PM) Just in . . . Bilerico Project contributor and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force executive director, Matt Foreman, will step down in April to lead the Gay & Lesbian Program at the Evelyn & Walter Haas, Jr. Fund.

Foreman has led the Task Force for five years and helped propel the organization to national prominence as an outspoken and unwavering advocate of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) rights. The Haas, Jr. Fund, located in San Francisco, provides more grant support to LGBT organizations than any non-gay-identified foundation in the nation.

“We cannot adequately express our gratitude to Matt for his exceptional leadership over the last five years,” said Mark Sexton, Task Force board co-chair.

“During his tenure, our staff grew to 54 full-time positions and our budget more than doubled to nearly $10 million. Our programming expanded strategically, our public profile increased dramatically, we’ve granted nearly $5 million to state and local partners. And most importantly, the Task Force has played an essential role in building our community’s grassroots strength. He has truly been an inspiration to so many who believe in equality for the full breadth of our LGBT community.”

Foreman called working for the Task Force “the greatest honor of my life.”

“I will always love the Task Force, our work, our board, and our staff,” he said. “Having served for 18 years as the executive director at three LGBT organizations, I’m incredibly privileged to be able to continue to work in and for the movement in a new role at the Haas, Jr. Fund. I have no doubt that the Task Force will continue to be the uncompromising progressive voice of the LGBT movement and to thrive and help lead our community to complete equality.”

Alan Acosta, Task Force board co-chair, said a national search would begin immediately to find Foreman’s successor. Foreman will work with his senior executive staff in the interim to ensure a smooth transition to new leadership.

“We are blessed to have an extraordinarily strong and deep management team,” Acosta said. “Working with Matt, the senior leaders of the team have built a dynamic and well-run organization that is respected inside and outside the movement. We are in great shape to keep pushing our mission of building our community’s political power and continuing the outstanding successes of the Task Force over the last few years.”

Acosta said the Task Force’s programmatic priorities for next year include building congressional support to pass an inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in 2009, defeating an expected anti-marriage constitutional amendment in California and launching the organization’s new Academy for Leadership and Action, designed to support skills and leadership development for state and local activists.

Foreman’s direct speaking style and incisive critiques have helped raise the profile of Task Force and garnered significant media attention. In speeches, panels and op-eds, he has assailed right-wing leaders for homophobic actions and opposition to LGBT rights and challenged allies to fight for LGBT equality. At the same time, he has earned a reputation of working collaboratively with other groups and led the organization in building broad coalitions.

Most recently the organization’s leadership was evident in its instrumental role in the formation and growth of United ENDA, a coalition of more than 350 national, state and local organizations opposing efforts to strip protections for transgender people and others from a federal nondiscrimination bill.

“Matt Foreman’s leadership solidified the Task Force as a home for the entire LGBT community,” said Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. “As LGBT people, we might not all look the same, think the same, act the same, or need the same things — but we all know the Task Force respects all of us, fights for all of us and cares about all of us in the LGBT community. I look forward to continuing to work with the Task Force that Matt has built, as it continues to fight on for uncompromised equality for all of us.”

“The Task Force has been a significant partner for us in no small measure because of Matt’s leadership,” said H. Alexander Robinson, executive director/CEO of the National Black Justice Coalition and a fellow Bilerico Project contributor. “The Haas, Jr. Fund will have a leader who is unwilling to compromise his principles and fully committed to inclusion. More importantly his firsthand understanding of the challenges and opportunities facing the LGBT civil rights movement and our communities will be an asset in his new role.”

Roey Thorpe, former executive director of Basic Rights Oregon and current director of state services at Equality Federation said, “Matt has been in the trenches, working for change on every level from local to national and his leadership reflects that. He understands the power of grassroots organizing as few others do. What I admire most about Matt is that as a leader he never flinched, consistently bringing a clear, courageous voice for nothing short of full equality for our entire community. That’s the kind of leadership our movement needs.”

Foreman has the relatively unique distinction of serving as the executive director of a local, state-wide and national LGBT organization — the New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project (1990–1996), the Empire State Pride Agenda (1997–2003), and the Task Force (since 2003). When he steps down, Foreman will have served as Task Force executive director longer than any prior director.

Comment: Meanwhile, Foreman has had a more nuanced relationship with his bisexual constituents. Denise Penn of the American Institute of Bisexuality was quoted as saying that "The bisexual community is excited about the prospect of being involved in the search and selection process and hopeful that the new Executive Director will reach new levels of inclusion.".

X-Posted to various and sundry locations

"Kicked Out" a Call For Submissions

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 05:44:09 GMT

Edited by: Sassafras Lowrey**
Publisher: Homofactus Press
Deadline: March 1, 2008

Kicked Out is an anthology, which chronicles the experiences of former queer youth and current queer youth who were forced to leave home as minors because of their sexuality and/or gender identity.

Kicked Out tells our collective stories of survival, weaving together descriptions of abuse, and homelessness with poignant accounts of the ways in which the queer community offered sanctuary, and the power and importance of creating our own chosen families etc.

Kicked Out offers advice and wisdom to the queer youth of today from former queer youth who have survived. Additionally, it provides the opportunity for readers to get a glimpse into the world of those queer youth who as a result of circumstance have had to leave home, while simultaneously shattering the stereotypes of who queer youth are, and what they have the potential to become.

Kicked Out showcases stories of overcoming obstacles, and not simply surviving but thriving in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity. Kicked Out will explore the diversity of our experiences across lines of race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, and geographic region celebrating our differences, and showcases the ways in which they have contributed to our unique experiences.

Possible topics include but are not limited to:
• How being forced to leave home as a minor continues to impact your adult life
• What happened to you when you left home and how you survived
• Words of wisdom for today’s homeless queer youth—what you wished someone had told you
• Survival through the creation of “chosen family”
• Challenges of dealing with CPS or other agencies
• Success through adversity- overcoming a troubled past

Submissions should be between 1,500 and 2,500 words in length and previously unpublished. Submit your piece via e-mail in .doc format to KickedOutAnthology@gmail.com. Multiple submissions per contributor are welcome. Please include a short biography and contact information with your submission. Submissions must be received no later than March 1, 2008; contributors are encouraged to submit early. Rights revert to the authors upon publication. Contributors whose work appears in the anthology will receive TBA free copy(ies) as well as ongoing royalties. for more information check us out online at: www.myspace.com/kickedoutanthology

**Sassafras Lowrey is a high femme writer, artist, and activist. Ze was forced to leave home as a teenager after suffering physical violence after coming out as queer. Sassafras found hir way to queer youth organizations and movements, which quite literally saved hir life. As an adult ze has never forgotten the impact those groups had on hir life and has volunteered regularly with the queer youth of today. Sassafras lives with hir partner, two cats and a dog in New York City. Hir first book “GSA to Marriage: Stories of a Life Lived Queerly” is scheduled for release Summer 2008.

Please X-Post

[Bialogue Action Alert]: 'Dear Margo' misses the mark

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 00:11:58 GMT

In her advice column of Friday December 28th 2007 entitled "Oh, the Things You Find Out Online", Margo Howard (daughter of the late Ann Landers) advised a married man who found himself blurting out "I love you" to a male friend that, "You are gay" and some how unaccountably left out the "B" word.

While in general Margo was gay-positive, to-the-point and correct in telling him that he was most likely NOT straight and to seek counselling, this over-site on her part could have a significant and negative impact on this man and his family's life.

Please help.

Contact Margo (direct e-mails do not seem to be allowed, you must click on the link provided and respond via a form in the column) and discuss the existence and possibility of 'DAZED AND CONFUSED' being a repressed, heavily closeted, married BISEXUAL man. Hopefully she will prove to be as intelligent and open-minded as she seems and will quickly correct this omission on her part.

Here is the link and the column:

http://news.yahoo.com/b/dear_margo/margo_howard20071228

DEAR MARGO:

I find myself in a predicament that I never in a million years would have predicted. I am a 25-year-old man who is married to a beautiful, committed wife. Recently, I was chatting online and met a guy. He was funny and quick-witted. After a while we exchanged numbers and have talked for more than two hours every night since. Margo, I hate talking on the phone! Last night we were talking and laughing together, and after a moment of silence, I said, "God, I love you." I immediately apologized, but he said, "Don't." He said he has been fighting saying it, too.

Margo, we are both straight, and we both believe homosexuality is a sin. Neither of us knows what is going on. I haven't had any desire to spend time with my wife since this person came into my life. I only want to talk with "Matt." What is going on?
--- DAZED AND CONFUSED

DEAR DAZE:

Let us recap: You "met" a guy online. You've been talking with him on the phone for two hours a night -- and you hate phone conversations. You told him you loved him; he said he's been having the same thought. The two of you believe homosexuality to be a sin. Since you and cyber-friend "met," you have had zero interest in your wife.

These things would not, could not happen to a straight man. You are gay, my friend, though heavily repressed because . . . it would be sinful. I believe you and this other chap are so closeted that you've been hiding from yourselves. Because of your religious convictions, I am pretty sure there's an element of self-loathing, if only at the subconscious level.

I would suggest you seek professional help and guidance. Get the national number for GLBT counselling referrals. And perhaps take a break from "Matt" until your identity question is settled, one way or the other.
--- MARGO, STARTLINGLY

this is being X-Posted to other bisexual communities, listservs, etc. -- please send a comment in yourself and then x-post it to anyplace you think might be good

[USA] Controversial poll shows wide prevalence of bisexuality

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:59:27 GMT

Some say findings inflated, others claim ‘bi-phobia is alive and well’

by staff reporter Joshua Lynsen originally published in the Washington Blade on Friday, December 21, 2007

www.washingtonblade.com/2007/12-21/news/national/11768.cfm

A national poll showing that bisexuals account for half the number of people who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual is drawing mixed reactions.

Many bisexual men and women told the Blade that the findings, part of a poll funded by Human Rights Campaign and controlled by City University of New York’s Hunter College, are enlightening.

“I think it definitely holds some truths about the gay community that most members would rather ignore,” said Nicole Kristal, co-author of “The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe.”

“There are plenty of lesbians in the gay community who occasionally sleep with men and still call themselves lesbians and vice versa. People need to start being honest in their daily lives about their actual behaviors rather than hiding behind convenient black-and-white labels that breed acceptance from their gay and lesbian peers who often condemn bisexuality.”

The poll of 768 people, conducted last month, shows in its adjusted final tally that 15.4 percent of respondents are bisexual men and 33.5 percent are bisexual women. Gay men accounted for 33.4 percent of the poll’s respondents and lesbians accounted for 17.8 percent. The poll asked respondents to assign their own sexual orientation.

Amy Andre, a sexuality studies expert who helped write a bisexual health issues report this year for the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, said the poll’s findings are not without precedent.

The U.S. government’s National Survey of Family Growth found in 2002 that 56 percent of men and women who identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual were bisexual.

“So the findings at Hunter come as no surprise to me,” she said. “Neither do the reactions to the Hunter study. Bi-phobia is unfortunately alive and well in the LGBT community, as is ignorance about the lives of bisexual people within the community.”

The poll attracted several critics, including gay author and commentator Andrew Sullivan, who suggested the poll was “rigged for PC purposes to inflate the number of bisexuals and lesbians.”

Other critics said the poll erred and that bisexuals represent a small minority among those who are gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Many bisexuals, however, suggested that Sullivan maintains a narrow view.

“He surrounds himself with gay friends and is involved in social circles that are predominantly gay,” said James Fenter, a 46-year-old bisexual man from Boston. “So he doesn’t meet many bisexuals and then he just makes the extrapolation that since he doesn’t know many bisexuals, they don’t exist.”

Some bisexuals told the Blade they tire of such attitudes, shared by gays and straights alike. Loraine Hutchins, a 59-year-old bisexual woman from Takoma Park, Md., said she has “often been made to feel that bisexuality is rare and inconsequential.”

Wendy Curry, a 42-year-old bisexual woman from Weare, N.H., agreed.

“At times it seems we’ve wasted years trying to prove our existence,” she said. “And why? The Andrew Sullivans of the world will never see us.”

‘In this together’
But many bisexuals said they were encouraged by the Hunter College poll, and noted it’s now up to individual bisexuals to affirm the finding.

“When we don’t identify ourselves, we only lend to the impression that we aren’t even there,” said Erynn Rowan Laurie, a 46-year-old bisexual woman from Everett, Wash. “We create our own invisibility.”

She said the Hunter College poll, which “demonstrates we actually exist,” could help bisexuals find new acceptance among their gay and lesbian peers.

And with that acceptance, said Mimi Hoang, a 30-year-old bisexual woman from Los Angeles, could come benefits for all.

“It’s sad to me that gays and lesbians have such a hard time standing by their bi brothers and sisters,” she said, “because we are really in this fight together, about having our love lives and families validated and respected, no matter what gender we love.”

Remember that it is also good to let the world outside of the Blogosphere know how you feel. You can easily put in your Comments about the article by going to the site, scrolling to the botom and clicking on the space provided.

Also do feel free to drop by Andrew Sullivan's column and mention your feeling on his statement that the poll was “rigged for PC purposes to inflate the number of bisexuals and lesbians.”.

And stop by Chris Crain's blog and tell him how you feel about his statements that "those self-identifying as part of the GLBT community are overwhelmingly male -- 65 to 70 percent -- and very few are bisexual"

More on International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:02:11 GMT

As per Wikipedia, The red umbrella has become an important symbol for December 17: "First adopted by Venetian sex workers for an anti-violence march in 2002, red umbrellas have come to symbolize resistance against discrimination for sex workers worldwide.".

It is referenced from this article "Sex workers and supporters unite" written by Shannon Kiely appearing in the December 3rd, 2007 issue of The McGill Daily, an independent student newspaper on campus at McGill University in Montreal (Canada).

The story beings with the lovely and descriptive phrase "A flourish of red umbrellas will gather at Frontenac Metro on December 17 . . . .". further in the piece is this quote by Mme Jenn Clamen the Mobilization and Communication Coordinator for Stella, a Montreal-based organization created for and by sex workers. "Society doesn’t take responsibility for reproducing and perpetuating violence. Violence isn’t a part of the sex industry; it’s a consequence of laws and stigma caused by criminalization. Society is responsible for violence, not sex workers."

In other news related to the day:
So far only LJ Community to reject the posting of the event was (sadly and surprisingly) bi_pride based oddly enough out of Seattle Washington, where the moderator amythyst sent a curt message stating "This is not in any way, shape or form related to bisexual pride. I'm deleting it. Don't spam this community.".

Not only is Seattle where the Green River Killer operated with impunity the genesis of this memorial day, but also dianthus has said that "Ironically, there isn't an event in Seattle, Washington."

The words and the vehemence have thrown me for a loop, given the number of bisexul activists who support their political & artistic work thru employment in the sex industry as well as the large number of sex workers who are stalwart bisexual activists!

Also out of Canada come this quote from Anastasia Kuzyk from Sex Workers' Alliance of Toronto about blaming the victim, "Twenty years ago, they said we asked for it. Ten years ago, they said, 'What do you expect?' Now they say 'it's a dangerous profession', but it's still blaming the victim.

They might not change in our lifetime, but at least it's heading in the right direction. It's unfortunate that it came at a price . . . When you add up all the missing and murdered sex workers across Canada, we're talking a couple hundred.

We shouldn't have to change how we live in order to protect ourselves from violent men. Violent men should be the ones who are held accountable for what they do. But it's because it's sex and people get all squeamish."

Other Bloggers Talking about December 17th include:

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers: Red Umbrella Event
on feministsexwork

Because Yes, You See, We Do Have a Fucking Problem Here… on Renegade Evolution

several good posts from Being Amber Rhea including Don’t you hate it when those annoying *humans* get in the way of your *activism*? and a
Repost in observance of Int’l Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers entitled Shaming tactics not effective against prostitution